...so go and visit it!

The ASDA Board has recently commissioned the application of a percentage ranking system to distinguish between the qualities of the various Southend settlements and roads that have been visited, to compile the most comprehensive analysis of Southends known to man.

The system was christened with the following name by 'Mr Doublechaireverytime', Director of Southend Tourism: Miscellaneous Relevant Knowledge Indicating Potential Local Interest to Newcomers and Groups Percentage System, which is known as the MRKIPLING Percentage System, for short.

All 11 Questions must be confirmed by the ASDA Board before publication. Anything above 70% is an amazing score!

The Questions:

Is it a settlement? Yes = 10%

Does it have a sign? Yes = 1-20% depending on quality of sign, number of signs etc

How easy is it to take a photo at the sign? 1-10% depending on ease

Does it have a shop selling pies in/nearby? Yes = 1-7% depending on locality/quality

Does it have a Fast Food Restaurant in/nearby? Yes = 1-3% depending on locality/quality

Is there a pub in Southend? Yes = 1-5% depending on locality/quality

How good is it for entertainment? 1-10% depending on entertainment

How random is the place? 1-10% depending on amount of randomness

How enjoyable was the journey there? 1-10% depending on enjoyment of journey

Are there adequate facilities for a party? Yes = 1-5% depending on ease of party

Is it worth another visit? Yes = 1-10% depending on worthiness of repeat visit

The Scores:

1 Southend-On-Sea 98%
2 Southend Bucks 84%
3 Southend Bradfield 83%
4 Southend Garsington 81%
5 Southend Village 70%
6 South End Kensington 66%
7 South End Milton Bryan 63%
8 South End Great Rollright 62%
9= South End Haddenham 60%
9= South End Croydon 60%
11= Southend Road Waltham Forest 51%
11= Southend Crescent Greenwich 51%
13 Southend Gloucestershire 50%
14 South End Preston Bissett 47%
15 Bristol South End 45%
16= Southend, Nr Great Malvern 44%
16= The Southend, Ledbury 44%
18 South End Leckhampstead 42%
19 Southend Lane, Newent 39%
20 Southend Road, WSM 35%
21 Southend Chaddleworth 33%
22 Southend Gardens, Highbridge 21%